I want maple-syrup-flavored icecream
vriksaserket: vriksaserket: i changed the settings on my moms phone so that when she types my name it changes to ‘my favorite child’ and when she types a swear, it changes it to something more family friendly
kinomatika: kattostrophic: andrewhussiesbosom: *Billy Mays voice* BILLY MAYS HERE AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT HOMESTUCK Billy mays is dead doesn’t that make him the perfect candidate to tell us about homestuck
iamonlydorb: sucysucyfivedolla: the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg oh no I’m not falling for this one again
thatsnotwatyourmomsaid: itsrainingblogs: So, like, I’m sitting in my room and I just hear, “You are an ignorant furby, and nobody in this house likes you” My sister is mentally abusing the furby she got for Christmas because “It says on the box that the way we treat them shapes their personalities.” SHE JUST WANTS TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES LIKE THAT. I AM...
dearmisswhite: crazyboutthemwranglerjeans: “Can I ask you something?” The single scariest phrase in the english language, guaranteed to make your heart drop right behind “we need to talk”
Troll Gender and Reproduction Headcanon
paigefillyr: shewatchesworlds: paigefillyr: Trolls use ‘he’ and ‘she’ pronouns, but don’t filter out either as options for concupiscent Quadrants. This has lead a large portion of the fandom to believe that Troll anatomy on both ‘males’ and ‘females’ us identical. This can be further supported by looking at the reproductive cycle as a whole; there is a Mother Grub that births all the members...
PB GOT BITCH SLAPPED!!!
ghosteh13: voice-of-tartarus: demeaniac: what if with our first clot of air when we are born we inhale a soul, and every time we breathe out, we squeeze a tiny part of our souls out. would our final breath actually be the very last soul fragment leaving our bodies? Woah woah wait you know those things that say “you become like the 5 people you hang out with the most” that would explain...
Person: Rape is just surprise sex.
Me: Killing you would just be giving you a surprise nap.
1/4 of tumblr: OH MY GOD GUYS THEY ARE GOING TO BUY TUMBLR
1/4 of tumblr: OH MY GOD THEY BOUGHT TUMBLR AND ARE GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING
1/4 of tumblr: WHO THE FUCK CARES, THEY AREN'T CHANGING ANYTHING ANYWAYS
1/4 of tumblr: yo wtf how is this fucking site 1.1billion dollars we literally post porn and doctor who all day
her-mi1: tardisity: The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town. I think about this a lot
10-roses: thedancinggallifreyan: littlelionheartedqueen: if the tardis is infinite with infinite rooms then maybe we’re all in the tardis and don’t even know it MAYBE OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS ONE ROOM IN THE TARDIS
e-l-i-j-a-h-w-o-o-d: elijahwood: imagine if celebrities decided to sign up on tumblr and they try to make their url their name shut up
spookthempolitely: when i first got my tumblr i was a huge fucking dork and i enabled that thing that puts your tumblr posts on your facebook but then i forgot that i did that and reblogged a post that said “reblog if your dick is as big as the universe” and my mom was like “oh my” and my great uncle saw it and commented “that’s my girl” and i have never been so done in my life
dragonbite: i get kind of irrationally pissed when people play mituna as this adorable bee-loving innocent mentally challenged guy with the mind of a 5yo when in reality
snarkreactors: I had my hands full but I needed to turn on my light so I just used my mouth and flicked the switch up with my tongue and then I realized uh oh
Anonymous asked: WOW, I just lost a bunch of weight using the OFFICIAL TUMBLR DIET!! Are u using it as well?
thelawisnotbooped: do yoU EVER JUST GET LIKE SOOOOOOOO AFFECTIONATE ABOUT A PERSON LIKE WOW YOU LOVE THEM IMPOSSIBLY AND ITS JUST LIKE WHOA. WHOA YOU’RE ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND YOU GOTTA TELL THEM ABOUT AND MAYBE SING ABOUT IT AND DO A DANCE NUMBER ABOUT IT AND CLIMB ALL OVER THEM WITH AFFECTION
the-vashta-nerada: today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”
despairludenberg: the-fandoms-are-cool: urbanfuck: my mother must be so proud of her lazy, rebellious, anxiety-ridden, depressed child your mother must be so proud of her strong, smart child who lives each day dealing with anxiety and depression and still holds on oh man wow
Ok, I’m done posting Kevedd today